Partner is on his way

Partner left here @ 5:30pm on a Bob Hubbard truck. The driver and assistant seemed both nice and comfortingly competent. On the other hand, Partner would not load for them at all. I was happy though that rather than fight with him, they allowed me to try to load him and he went right in. Felt a bit guilty as I gave him a kiss and a hug then left him there. He is going from here to Lexington KY, he should arrive there @ 1am and will overnight at their facility before being loaded onto a West bound truck for the trip up to MN. His instructions to the shipping company call for him to face backward in a stall and a half, I was happy that he was actually able to leave VA in a box stall as the truck only had three other horses on it for this trip. It was very nicely bedded with at least eight inches of straw and I witnessed them fork over at least two very fluffy flakes of grass hay to keep him happy. Not that he was actually happy! The road at Walnut Cove Farm leads up beside the pasture he has been in for the last two and a half years, until he was out of sight I could hear him calling to his pasture mates. The geldings in his field called back to him as he left and if I had not already had to fight back tears at Partner's departure I would have had to start then.

whew, relationships are work!!

Sooooo
This last week I have been stressed over whats going on with The Man. My little brain had in fact jumped to what seemed the most obvious conclusion. It was hard, but I did not go nuts on him and let him open the door when he was ready to talk. It took hours and we communicated entirely by text which is OK. I know from experience that when you have hard things to say it can be easier to text than talk. So when he started sending me vague texts about being stressed out about me I simply listened and encouraged and kept an open mind. Like I said, took awhile, but in a nutshell it boils down to he's feeling a little overwhelmed by the fear of being restricted or confined. I was able to point out examples that show we have a partnership and giving a (limited) amount of control to another person in a relationship is a gift. You chose how much "control" to give up and therefore it is not a restriction. Relationships may be a "chain", but you can chose to take it off any time you want.

I think the reality of this is that The Man has had his mom with him for a couple of weeks now, and she requires allot of guidance and attention. She also, quite honestly, overwhelms him spatially. I mean, that girl can fill a space up!! I don't know where she gets all that clutter, but it was hard on me too. And when I arrive, it will overwhelm him even more until we can get mom her own place. Truthfully, it's not going to be easy for him to deal with. I will help as much as I can, but he will have to help himself.

But, hopefully, I've managed to calm him down.

committed

I'v committed to a course of action with this move to MN. All of my belongings save my pony and immediate necessities are already there. I'm not missing much of it, the awful truth of humanities unending want is you really don't need much. I am, however, sorely missing the company of my family. To take the awful truth to the next level, I am referring mostly to my non-human family. What can you say? /shrug

But committed I am. While The Man is once again giving me reason to pause in relation to our relationship (come'on, could you resist that?). What has not changed is my intense desire to bloody get up there! I have to trust in my heart that my brain is over reacting, while The Man has been really good during our enforced separation I should not therefore jump to conclusions that he is doing anything inherently wrong just because there is a part of me that is just waiting for him to do so. Also, I have the guidance of wiser minds helping me to see all the possibilities. Thankfully.

It's hard to get started...

...but I love how it feels when I'm done!

Running that is, or at least my attempts at it. I'v started the "Couch to 10 K" app on my IPod. I'm only a week in, but I feel such a sense of accomplishment at committing to something that will help my with my fitness goals! You are supposed to do it every other night, but as I rarely have any extra energy after work (I only work Sat-Mon, but they are 12 hour days) that instead I run all four days I am off. On Tuesday I repeat the run profile from the previous Friday, on Wednesday and Thursday I do the next profile, and Friday I start the third profile which I will repeat on Tuesday. Simple eh?

At this point there is very little running to be honest. Right now I am walking 4 1/2 minutes and then running for 30 seconds, repeat eight times. But gradual is OK with me. When I was fit I regularly ran five miles, 3-4 times a week. Thats my goal right now. At the end of this program (it's a 13 week plan) I should be able to run a continuous 6 and change miles. Of course that varies depending on the runners speed.

Anyway, it feels good to do. I usually have to drag myself out the door, and the first couple of cycles are a bit lumbering. After that though, it feels good!

I hate VA

OK so maybe I should not be blaming Virginia. In Vegas I would occasionally see road kill, but to no degree of what I see in VA. I suspect it is the same through out the more densely populated East Coast.

But I have tried so hard to drive slowly on the more "country" roads. The idea of being the cause of something which daily grinds against my emotional sanity has always lurked in the back of my mind.

Tonight I lost that battle when I killed a raccoon confused by the oncoming lights of my car. I tried to swerve behind him, but blinded by the headlights he made a last minute decision to retreat as opposed to continuing to the other side.

I am so so sorry little one, and I know that makes no difference.

All by myself

Your supposed to sing that by the way, as in the 80's super ballad.

So schools out. Six classes and five A's, sweet. I did get a B (mutter mutter grumble) but perhaps I should be less competitive? This is the first semester I've actually been glad the semester ended. Usually I'm happy in a sort of "I'm getting closer to my goal" sort of way, but this semester I was just thrilled to be DONE. I spread myself entirely to thin this time.

Now I need to plan my next move. I wanted to attend UM next semester in the teacher prep program, but the MN university system will not allow me in under resident tuition until I've been a physical resident of the state for a year. The difference between in-state and out-of-state tuition is @ 20.000 ofter the 3 1/2 years I would be attending. Sooooo need to get residency. However, I don't want to lose a year of schooling. At my age taking a year off is a little scary. Would I go back or lose momentum? I am allowed one class per semester in a MN college or university with out endangering my residency, so I will be continuing with ASL at North Hennepin CC. Nice as I don't think you can study ASL in an on-line course! But the four credits each from those classes will not keep my student loans in deference. So yet another reason to find an alternative course of schooling. I hope to keep my student loans in limbo until I get my teaching license. After which I will hopefully get a JOB teaching, and after three years of payments hopefully get the rest forgiven under one of the federal programs for teachers. After all, with out the kind of help most teacher grads would not be able to afford to teach.

This brings me to the next idea in my school career. On line universities. The two I am considering would be Phoenix and American. I get a 10% discount at UP and a 15% discount at APU. Both through my employer. Phoenix is the largest nationally accredited on-line university, but APU offers more degree options. So after I do a bit more research I'll have a decision. But it is all up in the air right now. My basic plan right now is to attend either for the next year before transferring into UM in 2011. Unless I can get my bachelors on-line, in which case I may spend the next two years on-line only transferring to UM for the 18 month licenser program.


And as to the "All by myself" reference? The Man's mom and our puppy Rikka left for MN a week ago last Monday. Now there is only Partner and I left in VA.